here's the plan dave

Katelyn helping her daddy work from his desk where he calls to ask what the plans are.

Every afternoon, Dave calls me from work after lunch.  The conversations are always strikingly similar.  We both at some point say, "How's it going?"  He tells me he is tired and we stayed up way too late last night watching reruns of Cheers on Netflix.  I tell him some funny Katelyn story from that morning.  And then, every day, without fail he will ask me, "So, what are the plans for tonight."

And every day the plans are the same.  For about the first billion times he asked, I actually went through explaining our nightly routine to him.  "Well, you'll come home and then we'll eat some dinner.  After that I'll give Kate a bath while you do the dishes and then she can play for a few minutes before it's time for bed."  On Fridays, my parents are usually kind enough to watch Kate and we go out on a date and on Saturdays we watch SNL instead of Cheers but for the most part our life is boring and predictable and I love it.

Eventually, he asked what the plans were on the wrong day.  I don't know if an angry wind had breezed past my door, I had crawled out of bed on the wrong side, or the stars were just not lined up right but I just snapped.

"SERIOUSLY?!?  YOU KNOW WHAT THE PLANS ARE!!!  THEY ARE THE SAME EVERY NIGHT!  I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU!!!!!"

I'm not proud of that moment.  I probably should have just explained the plans again instead of eating his face for lunch.  I was just spent that day.  Maybe I stepped on a lego or something.  It is a running joke between us now.  He still calls every afternoon and asks what the plans are and the laughs quietly and I can visualize his impish little grin that he passed on to his daughter.

So, just for you Dave, here is the plan.

I have already written about my bona fide carb addiction so I am going on a self imposed carbohydrate detoxification that will hopefully teach me to have a healthy relationship with whole grains and the occasional birthday cake.  It's my own modified version of the South Beach Diet.  My plan will take place in three phases.

In phase one, I am steering clear of all carbs.  Their siren song of sweet serotonin goodness is just too alluring.  I'm focusing my diet on lean proteins, low fat dairy, and vegetables of all varieties.

I just have to get this poison out of my system.

After I lose the first twenty five pounds, I'm introducing fruit in phase two.  I've been told that an apple will taste like a candy bar but I'm skeptical.  Candy is really good you guys.  One caveat: I can only eat one serving of each fruit a day.  I'm not going to go crazy and eat fifteen bananas in one sitting.  And full disclosure - I would.

Another twenty five pounds, phase three will begin, and I will slowly and carefully bring back healthy whole grains.  Hopefully by this time, the addictive effects of processed and refined carbohydrates will have worn off and I can eat like a normal person.

I have a feeling it's going to be a long haul folks.