sitting on the fence

 
I often find myself balanced between two extremes of the weight loss debate.

On the one hand there is the idea that we need to be more accepting of everyone regardless of shape or size.  I read articles that denounce the evils of portraying a picture perfect idea of reality to our children and I raise a fat fist in solidarity as I think to myself, "I'm sick of being vilified as dumb, gross, and lazy because of my weight."  I want Katelyn to grow up loving herself in spite of her body.

And then there is the theory that if only for the sake of our health we all need to eat healthier, cleaner, better, and less.  There is the part of me that takes pride in the way I look when I wear make up and jewelry and am having a particularly good hair day.  I don't think it's evil to want to look good.  This is accompanied by the part of me that wishes I weighed less so that I could feel better about myself both in looks and health.  I want Katelyn to grow up loving herself because of her body.

I am sitting atop a body image fence and depending on my mood, my mindset, or the opinion editorial I have just read I am pitching to one side or the other.

I'm starting to wonder if that's the best place to be though.  If birds can perch on telephone wires, why can't I sit on the fence?  I don't fully identify with either side and on top of the fence I can rise above the noise of everyone's loud opinions.  I can see clearly into the distance and think for myself.

The truth is I think there is truth hidden in the tents of both camps.  I try to peer in long enough to understand the opinions of others but not long enough to get lost in the paradox of it all.  Like a scientist, I can gather the data from everyone and everywhere and use it to construct my own personal reality.  These are the truths I believe.

1. My body is sacred.  It was created by a loving Heavenly Father and He does not make mistakes.  To ridicule one of His precious creations would be wrong and disrespectful.  However, I was given this body with the charge to be a steward and to care for it and treat it with respect.  Hating my body would never be right but allowing myself to destroy is also wrong.

2. I am more than my body.  I have a soul with the drive to feel and to live.  I have a heart beating with the love of my family, my world, and my life.  I have a brain sparking with the energy to learn and to understand and to grow.  I am a whole person inside of my body and my shape does not define me.

3. Moderation is a learned principle and one that I need to acquire.  It is a key to living that I need to cultivate and hone and it will follow me through the eternities.  If I have to learn moderation in work and in leisure and in everything else, why shouldn't I learn moderation in food?

4. I am always changing.  No one is static.  I will change for the better and I will change for the worse.  I will always be faltering, checking my premises, and correcting my course.  This is what life is.  It is meant to test us, teach us, and make us better but it is also meant to be enjoyed.  Sometimes I will be thin.  Sometimes I will be heavy.  Always I will need to find a way to observe and correct while maintaining a respect for myself in the process.

5. Negative energy is never a helpful thing.  Even though I have accepted the fact that I need to be healthy, I should never put myself down.  I would never angrily criticize Kate for stumbling over her clumsy little feet.  She is just learning to walk and falling down is part of the process.  Likewise, it is not acceptable for me to chastise myself for a skill I am only trying to learn.

There is truth in most of what you hear.  There is a lot of good out there but also a lot of bad.  When I was thin, I would have sided with the people who champion weight loss.  Up until a while ago, I would have identified with the opposite.  Now, I see the truth of it all.  I see my truth and that is true enough for me.