a lose lose situation

 
When we were in high school my brother and sister and I were in band.

Yeah it was marching band.

Yeah we were kind of nerds.

My sister would probably tell you that she is not really a nerd and that she narrowly escaped geekdom forever by staying in band just long enough to get out of taking PE but not long enough to be a band kid.

But I digress.

Anyway, there was this one band director who was one of the nicest and coolest teachers in the whole school.

Hey, I already said I was a nerd, okay?

He knew everything there was to know about music and could fix any instrument that was broken.  One time I got overly excited at a football game (but probably not about the football) and smacked my piccolo against a metal railing and broke the wooden weight at the top of it.  I nervously brought him the broken pieces and he fixed even that.  I'm pretty sure he saved the collective band parents thousands of dollars in instrument repairs.

Anytime he saw Jack and I in the same room he would say, "Hey!  It's a Winn Winn situation!"  And he would laugh and laugh and laugh.  He thought it was hilarious and I have to admit, it was pretty clever.

It's a Winn Winn situation.

The problem with weight loss (there's a problem with weight loss?!?) is that it can sometimes be kind of a lose lose situation.  And not just because I lose weight.

Get it?!?

Poor Dave bears the brunt of the lose lose situation because here's the deal: I need him to love both Fat Megan and Skinny Megan.

I need him to be attracted to me when I am overweight but also make a big deal about it when I am thin and he needs to encourage me when I am dieting but also make a small deal about it if I gain weight or fall off the diet bandwagon all at the same time.

Don't get me wrong.  Dave has never been anything but kind and loving and supportive of me at any weight, shape, or format.  He is a wonderful man.  But I am a woman and am always looking for that tiny nearly indistinguishable clue that he is either fat phobic or doesn't care that I've started to lose some weight.

I need him to be excited and happy for me that I have lost some weight but not so joyous that it implies he didn't like me before.  He has to defend my weight when I am fat and celebrate my weight loss when I am thin.

It's a difficult position for him to be in and sometimes he loses either way.

When I started this blog I had him read my first post and nervously awaited the verdict.  (In reality, I had already posted it and shared it on Facebook but whatever.)  He found me pacing the bedroom and said, "If that's what you want to do, I support you."

I support you?

I SUPPORT YOU?!?

I guess the problem is that I expected him to respond like a woman.  I imagined him finding me in the other room with big watery tears swelling in his eyelids and commending me profusely for my bravery and valor.  I thought he would blubber on about the beauty of the whole thing and how I was doing this for our daughter.

I was needing a lot of encouragement that day.

He was worried that by coming across as too excited he would imply that I was fat.  He was desperately trying to tamp down any excess emotion that made it sound like he was too enthusiastic about my endeavor.

After a mild meltdown on my part and some frustrated explaining on his part we got it all sorted out and really I'm glad he's not a woman and that he acts like a man.

The lose lose weight loss conundrum still puts Dave in an awkward position sometimes.  He is careful to modulate his reactions to my posts to be helpful without coming across as rabidly supportive and I'm learning to stop scrutinizing his every move with an emotional magnifying glass.  It's a process we're perfecting and it gets a little better daily.

Who knew that weight loss would be so complicated?